How To Know Your True Identity.
Updated: Sep 15, 2021
“The concept of who we are is largely based
on the narrative that we create out of our experiences."
For example, if you trusted someone and they betrayed you, you may either conclude that you will never trust anybody again, or you can learn from your mistake with that person and ensure that you do not repeat it with others, taking responsibility for your own mistakes rather than blaming others.
Perspective makes huge difference, In First scenario you basically shut down all the possibilities to ever find someone trustworthy and in Second scenario you become wise by learning whom to trust.
We have multiple identities at work, home, with friends and while playing these multiple roles we fail to really explore who we think we are. The majority of our lives are spent trying to live up to others' expectations of who we should be.
What we are is the aggregation of what we choose to value in this world. If I value money or if I value family this would define who I am, and everything else will flow from that. Now the question is who decides these values for us? Choices are handed over to us by our parents or friends as well as the environment in which we grew up and what they told us, and as we grow older, we begin to see someone is being respected because they have money, a respectable job, a beautiful partner, or the highest position in the company, we start to value those things too in order to get the same respect from society.
But then how to figure out what is it that I genuinely value or care about? You need to peel off all layers to reach to the core by constantly asking yourself why you do what you do and how it makes you feel, what is it that gives you innermost satisfaction and what drives you? The more whys you ask, the more layers will be peeled away, and you must keep asking until you reach the core of it, and that is how it’s going to bring clarity. It may feel frustrating at first, or as if you are over-analyzing yourself, but with time, you will come to understand yourself far better than before. It will be much easier for you to make the right decision and you will have a better grasp of yourself and the things you really care about.
Sometimes it happens, few things that we think and say we value, but we never back them up with our action. If I say I value my health and never bother to work out or eat all the crappy stuff then my behavior, my actions tell a different story. This happens to us frequently, when we say, believe, and act in very opposite ways. This disconnects us from our own values and we become ignorant, so Instead of facing who we really are, we lose ourselves in who we wish to become.
When you begin to understand yourself by observing and being aware, you will notice that we have many people inside our heads who make different decisions at different times, for example, when you are sleeping and set an alarm for 5 a.m. thinking you will wake up early, the same brain when alarm rings tell you that it is fine to sleep a little longer because you slept late or were tired the day before, so you turn it off and go back to sleep. Our own brain is full with contradictions.
Don’t Believe Everything You think.
We must sometimes question our own thoughts to see whether they are correct, because the brain is usually either trying to verify what it already believes in or attempting to anticipate the conclusion based on out past experiences. Our thoughts aren't always reliable so Don't believe everything you think.
The only way to figure out what your actual values are, is to constantly questioning why you do what you do and reflecting on the emotions you associate with the events. Eventually, you will become more conscious of your own self which will lead you to know your true values and shade the older ones that doesn’t serves you anymore.